Your Answer ▼ Human being needs to (문법검토) take good care of land for animals in order to let posterity enjoy the marvelous environment (어휘가 문맥상 어색한 문장입니다. 이 문장을 다른 단어들로 paraphrase해서 써보는 연습을 한번 해보세요!). However, it is more important to keep developing land for people because this action is also good for animals as well in the long term. (훌륭합니다. 여기서 왜 good for animals in the long term 인지까지 간단히 나열해주셨으면 100점인데, 그래도 이 정도면 정말 깔끔하고 좋습니다.)
Many people’s lives will be threatened if there is no land development. It is directly linked to humanity’s well-being such as resource development. Without resources, human’s (문법검토)life cannot be maintained. People built a dam on the river to alleviate a drought problem. (문법검토) This allows the rapid development in the agricultural industry, and people ultimately can enjoy their meals very steadily. It also generates the electricity which makes people’s lives more lavish.
Furthermore, development for human use changes the earth in a positive way. Developing land creates a safer and more comfortable environment for both humans and animals. (여기서 시작하셨으면 정말 칭찬할만한 topic sentence였는데, 아쉽습니다.) There are many endangered animals nowadays, but people have a power to (문법검토) preserve them in safer areas such as zoos. Animal research centers also have a positive effect on protecting animals. Some rare species are suffering a lack of (문법검토) nutrition due to difficulty in foraging. By the way, (이거 다시는 쓰지 않는걸로 합시다. By the way는 그떠한 상황 아래에서도 에세이에서 등장할 필요가 전혀 없는 표현입니다.) as scientists develop new healthy foods (문법검토) for animals, those endangered species also have an opportunity (어휘가 어색합니다. 저라면 an opportunity 대신 a chance라고 했을것같네요.) to live on (어휘가 어색합니다. 저라면 live on 대신 survive라고 했을것같네요.).
By developing land for human being, this also revives the environment that animals live in the long term. Some people still worry about human’s devastating actions to nature and they insist human being will be threatened by them, but it can be resolved by scientific advances (문법검토) related to the land development.
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