*문법/어휘 오류: 빨간색 *두리뭉실한 표현 (더 명확히 elaborate하셔야 하는 부분): 보라색 *주저리주저리 (문맥상 전혀 필요 없는 감점요소): 밑줄
Your Answer ▼ It is common believe that privacy should be proteceted from significant factors.However, others believe that it should control people in society. This essay will discuss if human society is being controlled by security cameras .
On the positive side, government should be control the privacy by using the thchnological tools. In particular, CCTV - closed-circuit-television is the most powerful materials, setting up the CCTV that citizens would relieve their lives. There are many reasons that the number of CCTV was doubled after 911 terrorist attack. One of the good aspects is that in Korea the recent case of child abuse by kindergarden teacher. It is clear that viedo of this violence helps to catch perpetrator.Moreover in South Carolona in the U.S that there is this incident where a cop(경찰비하발언입니다. 자제하세요.) shot to a man , (he reported that he had stolen his taser,but someone was holding up his smartphone camera which revealed that the cop shot the man as he was running and then he replaced this taser next to the man -at least imply that it had been stolen this cop would have never been brought to justice now he is facing muder charges so this is a good thing that people have cameras.) 맙소사 이게 다 한 문장이라니... 충격입니다. 정말 어마어마하게 긴 문장이네요. 이렇게 문장 길게 쓰시면 곤란합니다. This issue enhancing the debate in the US that cops should be wearing body cameras.( a smartphone video revealed the office claim that his life was threatened was a lie). 도대체 왜 괄호를..
In monitoring everybody for these a few numeber of terrorists are we compromising things that are important and i think if we look at many years of human history, we can see that if you give governemnt power over people's private life they are very likely to abuse it . 이게 다 한 문장이라니.. 엄청납니다. 그리고 문법오류들로 인해 도대체 무슨 말씀을 하시려는건지 해석이 전혀 안되네요. 문장이 이렇게 길면 안돼요..
To sumup, even though CCTV seems to be an invasion of privacy, it is prevent citizens from massive crime attack. . |