▶ Your Answer : Nowadays, as the society has been individualization, people, especially children, are becoming selfish and self centered >> 가운데 - 빼셔도 self centered 자체가 자기 중심적인의 라는 형용사입니다. Thus, the government has an effort to obliege the young to have a volunteer work.
Some people say that young children have to participate in the voluntary work as a scool activity. It can be debatable by many people, because it is difficult to be done compulsorily by others. The reason why people dissent from community services is that children have also their own daily lives, and their time is precious to them as well. Moreover, >> 문장이 너무 길어지는 듯 싶어서 끊어드렸습니다 보통 한 줄 반 ~ 두 줄 조금 못 미치는게 가장 좋은 문장 길이에요 so some students might think that volunteering is not valuable, comparing to their studying. Unless they think that they are good activities, it is not meaningless.
On the other hand, some individuals think that young students should learn about helping other people such as the disabled, the poor or social weakers and so on. That is because children are in process of being socialized, adults ought to give them many chances to experience in many ways. Helping others could be also a kind of education, school has to make children do something helpful for others for free. If they are accustomed to doing it, they may consider neighbors or their friends who are in need. The consciousness of the unpaid services can be connected with another person over and over again. After all, people can receive the benefites from others, and, therefore, it leads to better society in the future.
In conclusion, I believe that the volunteering work has to be encouraged to young people without payments. The government should make good programmes where people can cooperate with other people who need help.
문법적 실수도 적고 글 구성도 잘 되어 있습니다~
Task Achievement - 7
Coherence and Cohesion - 7
Lexical Resource - 7
Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 7
7.0 예상해봅니다~ |