Q. Rapid economic development has resulted in much higher standards of living in urban areas but not in the countryside. This brigh some problems for the country as a whole and how might they be reduced?
From the evidence of developing countries all over the world,
Considering the situation of developing countries all over the world,
a number of social problems are generated. As a result, an unsteady development has become a rising concern in today's contemporary society, and So, there is no doubt that companies and countries are responsible for this issue.
구체적으로 어떤 문제가 있는지 위에서 예를 들면 좋겠어요.. 단순히 불안정한 발전이 걱정을 가져오고 많은 사회 문제가 일어난다 그런데 그 문제는???? ..... 밑에 the problem과 this issue가 무엇을 말하는지 알수 없네요.
The problem is derived from an increasing sense of inequality between the the city and countryside. People from the countryside will try to move to the cities to get more employment opportunities and better access to the facilities available there. Therefore, this increase in the urban population puts great pressure on housing and services.
이 부분을 위에서 먼저 언급해 주는게 좋겠어요.
This can be solved with by improving the standards of living and the facilities available in the countryside. Perhaps, incentives can be offered to factories and companies to relocate in the countryside. In order for these to built build road and rail network to make relocation possible as well as to require doctors and teachers to spend part of their professional lives in rural areas. in order to 가 이끄는 구네요.., 즉 동사가 없어요. B뿐만 아니라 A를 하기 위해서...
In conclusion, the sense of inequality is crucial issue in a country's economic development, therefore, governments and companies should takepractive practical steps to make sure that people understand the importance of balanced development for reducing these problems.
구체적으로 어떤 문제가 있는지 위에서 예를 들면 좋겠어요.. 단순히 불안정한 발전이 걱정을 가져오고 많은 사회 문제가 일어난다 그런데 그 문제는???? ..... 밑에 the problem과 this issue가 무엇을 말하는지 알수 없네요.
The problem is derived from an increasing sense of inequality between the the city and countryside. People from the countryside will try to move to the cities to get more employment opportunities and better access to the facilities available there. Therefore, this increase in the urban population puts great pressure on housing and services.
이 부분을 위에서 먼저 언급해 주는게 좋겠어요.
This can be solved
In conclusion, the sense of inequality is crucial issue in a country's economic development, therefore, governments and companies should take
빈부격차가 일어 난다던지 생활수준의 차이에 따라 인구이동이 어려워 진다던지 하는 구체적 문제점을 먼저 제시하고
이에 대한 해결 방안을 서술하는게 좋을듯 합니다. 특히 한 문장이 불필요하게 길어 지면서 내용보다는 한문장 한문장 구문에 더 중점을 두고 쓰시는 것 같아요..