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It is widely thought that countries with a high ratio of
younger generations have more benefits such as a construction of stable welfare
system for elderly people. However, there are also evident pitfalls as well when
too many young people occupy the country. In my opinion, the drawbacks of this phenomenon
are larger than its potential benefits.
First of all, A In terms of a positive aspect, a great portion of active working age citizens
can ensure developing a stable welfare for older adults. In majority of countries,
welfare for elderly are is largely dependent on taxes that governments collect
from their people. In other words, more young citizens who are currently working
and paying taxes mean that more taxes can be collected to support the elders.
However, unemployment rate can also increase as the volume
of young people expands. If there were are only limited opportunities of jobs, but while the
supply of prospected young employees was is proportionally larger, naturally the
competition will would only grow. (현재 사실과 반대되는 가정이 아니라 조건을 설명하는 조건문이므로 과거시제 표현 대신 현재시제-미래추측 표현이 더 자연스럽습니다.) Eventually, it can lead to growth of unemployment
rate of young citizens. Historically, it is a well observed fact that the rising raising
of unemployment could create a cascade of crash in countries’ business and
economy. For instance, the unemployment rate between the age of 25 to 35 is skyrocketing
in many developed countries such as the United States, Japan and South Korea which
was one of the main causes of the demolishment of the economic status of these
countries. 실업문제가 왜 더 심각한 단점인지에 대한 설명이 필요합니다. 장단점을 논하는 게 아니라 '단점이 더 크다'라고 보는 내 입장을 피력할 수 있는 주장과 근거설명이 제시되어야 합니다.
In conclusion, although there are some favorable influences from
having comparatively bigger young people than elderly citizens, the estimated
damages such escalation of unemployment rate of younglings are far more
critical issue than its timid benefits. |