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Over the past few decades, people’s attention to the juvenile crime
has increased tremendously. For this matter, lots of people are demanding for
an urgent measure. In this essay, both the causes and some possible measures will
be discussed in detail.
[ Firstly, in the terms of the
causes of juvenile crimes, the most definitive reason would be the indifference
of the parents. These days, to make their living, lots of families are becoming
as what we call so-called "double income family". Which means, It means that both parents are gone for working until late night and the
majority of children who need care and guide from parents guidlines are exposed to loneliness at an
early age. They are deprived of love and nurture, and eventually end up craving
for their parents' attention desperately. One of the best ways to draw somebody’s
attention is to be a troublemaker. They will always be central to the parent’s
attention by making lots of problems and issues, which successfully fulfills the
defiant child’s lonely heart. On top of this reason, it is another reasons that schools where most of the troublemakers are initially formed don’t rigorously
regulate these groups. Whenever an accident breaks out, they are only busy washing
out the evidence and covering up the accident as if it were is not the student's fault. Plenty of
schools in the modern city, they have a tendency to exhibit their image as a
prestige school, so that they could not only attract many students but also maintain
their highly regarded reputation. This greedy wish would eventually form a
vicious cycle and also lead to a perpetual juvenile crime. ] 바로 윗문단과 지금 문단 두 내용 모두 '원인'을 설명하고 있고, 두 문단을 합쳤을 때 아래 해결책 문단과 분량이 비슷하니까 합쳐서 한 문단으로 보여주는 편이 균형상 더 좋을 것 같아요.
Fortunately, there are some
corresponding solutions to this intractable problem. First of all, '방법을 소개하겠다->첫째, ~'의 흐름이니 첫번째 '방법'을 먼저 소개해주세요. 즉, 학교에서 아이들의 애정 결핍 부분을 더 신경쓰고 해소해주는 것이 방법이 될 수 있음을 먼저 언급하고 그에 대한 설명으로 '위에서 이야기했듯~blahblah'가 연결되는 것이 흐름상 자연스럽습니다. as I said
above, children child who are deprived of love are twice more as likely to become a
persistent offender as other children raised under the loving and nurturing
parents. That is to say, 잠재적 범죄의 가능성 언급 이후에 바로 '즉 학교가 의무를 진다'라고 연결하는 것은 어색합니다. 부모의 빈자리를 학교가 대신 채워줄 수 있다는 점을 언급할 수 있게끔 적절한 연결고리를 보완해주세요. schools that have obligation to take care of these
children can be a substitute for their parents. After school, to be specific, rather than letting their
students go back to an empty house home without anyone greeting them, they should make
them stick around the school by offering them an additional school prep. This
will not only form a tight bond between friends who are under the same
circumstances as them, and also successfully prevent the potential future crime. Last
but not the least, schools should raise their awareness. They are the one who has have most powerful impact on the students including potential offenders. They are
the one who can prevent the trivial mischief leading up to a huge violent
crime. Rather than only trying to maintain their name value, they should focus
more on the inside. Students are the representatives of the school. By
successfully guiding them to walk down to the bright path, they will not only achieve
good reputations that they have craved for but also successfully prevent potential
future scientists or heroes becoming violent prisoners.
By all things considered, juvenile crimes these days are indeed
prevalent issues that our modern society confronts, which should be
restrained by teachers who can play a role as a second parent. As we all know,
children are the world’s future citizens. For this reason, protecting the
innocence of our young from becoming juvenile prisoners should be our top
priority.
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