Undoubtedly, a behavior of
leaders plays a significant role in people’s daily lives in many of the places
where they work or play. Some people think that best leaders spend more time
listening to other people than talking about
their ideas while others do not. Both sides
may have their own reasons to support their views. If I were asked to choose
one, I would say that listening to others’ opinions is better than insisting on
their idea. There are several reasons as follows.
To begin with, when those in
power comprehend and receive others’ ideas,
it allows them to be better leaders. (to
develop the society that he manages.) It requires leaders to care about other
people and put themselves in people’s shoes. When such consideration is
fulfilled, they are likely to realize that it brings about a good result. For
example, my youngest brother, who was captain of his soccer team, used to be selfish. He
often stuck to only his idea and ignored others’
when making plans for games and even
choosing the menu for
dinner. His team lost most of games in the
league since teammates did not obey his
instructions. However, he began to change (has changed) little by little
after he started listening to his teammates’
ideas. Also, he tried to seek (for) advice
from his coach or parents while managing his team. He realized that such attitude
could help him work and lead his team more
effectively. (mingle with others more easily while his selfishness could
negatively affect everyone.) Naturally, his team won a championship
(tournament competition), and even encouraged others to be more
receptive. Without such caring attitude, his team would still have fallen behind
All things considered, I strongly
believe that the advantages of listening to others far outweigh those of
telling their ideas for the reasons I have
mentioned above. All in all, the importance of others’ ideas cannot be overestimated in the pursuit of
success in life.
Writing Score (0-30): 20-22
Score (0-5): 3.00-3.50
Grammar & Feedback: 우선 body paragraph가 한 문단 밖에 없는 점이 아쉽습니다. 전에
쓰셨던 글 보다 문법적인 오류가 더 많고 앞에서도 지적 드렸듯이 사소한 것들 (관사나 복수 형태)에 좀 더 주의를 기울이셨으면 좋겠습니다. 수고하셨어요.
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